Laura + Avery: Avoidance and Accountability

Laura and Avery discovered body doubling by chance - and it worked.

The other day over dinner, my friend Laura told me a story about her brother Avery, and I couldn’t help but notice that Laura had inadvertently discovered one of the core practices of Slothzero: body doubling.

Here’s the story, as told by Laura.

It all started on Saturday, when Avery called me up in distress. He had lost his job. I wasn’t sure how to respond, knowing that Avery hadn’t particularly enjoyed his entry level position at a marketing firm, and he hadn’t felt like a valuable part of his team. As the oldest sibling, Avery was first to leave the nest and I felt like I had no authority to console him on anything career-related. But, after a long silence and a few deep breaths from the other line, I heard Avery mutter “thank god.”

Turns out, Avery had a good amount of savings, and felt confident in his ability to get a new position. After getting over his initial shock, he realized that losing his job may have been a blessing in disguise. I had faith in him–Avery was very bright and motivated. He’d done well when in school and in the few jobs he’d had. I was sure that he’d quickly get back on his feet again.

A couple weeks went by, and I talked to Avery here and there. He never brought up his job search, and I didn’t push it. I figured he was enjoying some down time but working on applications on the side. But, after a month and half of Avery being unemployed, I began to grow worried. I brought it up to him on our weekly facetime.

“Don’t worry,” Avery assured me, “I’m actually going to a cafe after this to work on job stuff.”

I believed him, because he’d never given me reason for doubt. But later when I called him up to ask for our Netflix password, I heard voices and music in the background. What happened to that cafe plan?

“What are you up to?” I pestered.

“Um…” I could hear the guilt in Avery’s voice. “Just at a friend’s,” he admitted, “my computer was dead and I didn’t bring my charger to the cafe.”

“Well, you better bring it next time,” I advised.

The next time I chatted with Avery, he briefly expressed that he was worried about the gap growing on his resume, and starting to feel guilty that he hadn’t gotten anything done. I told him that the only solution to his anxiety was to get started on applications, and he seemed receptive to my advice, promising that he’d get started the following day. But, when I checked in at the end of the following day, he told me he had gotten busy.

Our communication began to grow sparser and sparser. Avery would take a couple days to reply to my texts, even longer if they were job-related. He was avoiding me, but I also had a feeling he was avoiding his work. When I called him up to confront him, I found that my fears were true.

Avery revealed how incapable he was feeling, how impossible it felt to simply open his computer and start working. He had begun to doubt his abilities - despite his past successes. Because of his feeling of insecurity, he had begun to avoid anything job-related, including his younger sister, who was constantly asking how job applications were going. I could tell he was upset, and embarrassed. But I was lost on what I could do to support him.

The next weekend, I went to visit Avery. After two great days of exploring New York City, I asked Avery if I could just see his resume. He obliged, with a look of shame on his face. It looked great. Like I said, he was qualified.

“Well, all you have to do is just send it out!” I told him, encouragingly.

“Yeah, I guess,” Avery replied.

For the next hour, I sat with Avery while he filled out job applications. By the time the hour was up, Avery had submitted two job applications and edited his cover letter. Turns out, all he needed was to be reminded of his capabilities, and for someone to sit with him while he did his work. Avoidance is best beat with accountability.